Choice is a privilege and a gift. The gift of having choices and the wisdom to make the right one is a rare gift. Ordering a meal is a daunting task for many, myself included. Sometimes I get intimated by all the different choices and I fear I’ll pick something that I won’t like but then I’ll be stuck with it.
Have you ever sat at a restaurant and stared at a menu then closed it and looked at a waiter passing by with someone else’s order and you decide right then “I’ll have what they’re having!” what makes you decide on that? The same meal was on the menu you were poring over in the last 20 minutes. But those mere words came alive and you saw, smelled and almost tasted the food as it wafted past you and you knew this was it. Of course, sometimes that can go horribly wrong because food allergies and what not, but let’s assume it goes well in this case. Don’t you wish life decisions could be made that easily? An easy “I’ll have what they’re having” and voila you’re all set for a phenomenal, life-changing experience that is only outmatched by your imagination. Now let me snap you back to reality. It doesn’t work that way sorry.
We live in a society that treats marriage as an accomplishment. Married people get a pass because they have attained this lofty goal while single people are made to feel incomplete, like they’re not yet living out their purpose until they get married. We put pressure on them once they get to a certain age, we accuse them of being commitment-phobic or too picky. Excuse me, standards! Let us have them, let us never lower them. Picky is fine because you know what? Forever is a long time to settle on whatever comes your way.
Marriage is more than having your own personal heater for winter nights, it’s more than always having a plus one for all your family events. It’s the merging of two lives, two destinies, two spirits, into one. I think that warrants pickiness no? We don’t get in with an exit plan in place. God never meant for divorce to be part of our story, it’s the stubbornness of man’s heart that led us there. In fact, salvation is likened to marriage. Does Jesus suddenly decide we’re not making Him happy enough and so He is done with us? No never. But do we do that to Him? Yes, we leave and come back, and leave again but He bears with our shenanigans because He loves us unconditionally.
Now don’t get me wrong. Marriage is beautiful, it’s sunshine and rainbows, it’s butterflies and warmth and the feeling of being at home with the one you love. It’s also work and sacrifice, it’s loss and tears and fights and sometimes you probably wonder why did I marry this person. But most importantly, it’s God’s idea. There are no ideals in marriage, just a lot of work in progress. You don’t get to see someone else’s marriage and say “I’ll have what they’re having” because you don’t know how much pepper is in there, and your tolerance for pepper is low. It may look and smell good, but it’s not your order and if you were given that same plate of food, you would not survive one bite.
It has been said, the wedding is where the two become one, the marriage is where they decide which one. Two independent adults coming together, living together, striving together and eventually becoming one is an act of God, friends. Therefore, it’s important before you sign up for this lifetime assignment that you know you made the decision. What do I mean? I’m glad you asked. God gave us free will, but He also gave us a helper who is our cheat sheet in life. The Holy Spirit is your helper, ask Him for help. Who knows the hearts and intents of a person but the Spirit of God? If you allow Him, He will be your guide in making this pivotal decision. Remember God is our Father. Just like our earthly fathers care about the decisions we make and offer guidance when we ask, imagine our all-knowing Father is waiting for you to involve Him in your decision.
At the end of the day, understand you have a choice. Choose life. Choose to listen to God over your vain lists, or what your eye can see. You can only see a person today; you have only seen them in the current season they’re in. God can see 20, 30, 70 years down the line. He knows who can be able to carry what you have in you best. Remember this is more than a boy-meets-girl situation. When Joseph saw Mary and he liked her and Mary agreed to date him, they didn’t not know generations before them were clapping and cheering because finally, the word was about to come to pass. The WORD Himself was about to become flesh. And that’s why even when Joseph tried to divorce Mary the angel appeared to him to stop him.
Your marriage is more than just a box to check. It’s a fulfilment of something. Ask God what it is. What is the purpose of your union with this person apart from “they have beautiful eyes”, you could find that the deliverance of a generation, your lineage is tied to your marriage and you can’t be casual about that. That is why we need God to order our steps. 100 generations from you, will they trace their godly heritage and spiritual blessing to you and your spouse? Is it really that serious? Yes it is. God took it very seriously at creation when He made Eve for Adam. He took it very seriously centuries later when He performed his first miracle at a wedding. He took it very seriously when He likened His return to a marriage supper (evening party).
God knows what you need. Your quirks and imperfections are perfectly made for someone. I like to watch people who have been married decades, there’s a blissfulness on their faces when they communicate, sometimes with words. Allow God to be the author of your love story, He’s been writing page-turners since the foundations of the world. Make Him the center of your life, allow him to direct you and you will be happy you did.